A week or so ago, I posted about the hope of being a mommy to another baby one day. I did not know at the time of that post that I was pregnant. We found out and were absolutely elated! It was a wonderful Mother's
Having gone through a miscarriage in February; however, had me prepared for what could (and did) happen. I was devastated. Of course. I cried, screamed, hit stuff, called my Mom, cried some more. After all of that, I prayed. I really prayed. I prayed that He would show me what I need to learn. I thanked Him for what He was teaching me through this:
It sucks. It's sad. I'm sad. But He knows that. I don't have to tell Him. He looks beyond the circumstance. He looks at the heart. Our heart matters most to Him. In my heart, He has done a lot of work this week. In my heart, I am learning that I am a lot like Aiden. As a Christian, I mean. I am stumbling around, trying to find my way around. I am bothered that I can't do things by myself. It's in my nature to do it on my own. And most of all, I am learning that just because I'm not getting my way when I want it and I feel it isn't fair, He still loves me. And He is there to hold me and comfort me even though I don't understand.
When I tell Aiden it's time to go to bed, he sometimes will cry the most pitiful little cry. He wants to play more than anything else. In that moment, getting to play is his world. And I break his little heart when I take Buzz and Woody away from him and take him to his bed. But I know that he has to have his sleep. He doesn't understand that, but he doesn't need to. I just stroke his cheek, rub his back, hold him, and let him know that I love him. I think that's how God is with us when we are going through these rough times. He knows best. He can't explain it; we can't understand it. We don't need to. He just hold us and lets us know that He loves us. Unconditionally.
That's what He has done for me this week.
As for my hope for another baby. It is bigger than ever. I visited the doctor today, and he is confident that we will be able to diagnose the problem within the next month or so. I know that God has His hand on this area of my life. I'm not worried about it. At all. I am so excited about the